The Three Speeches Every Published Writer Gives

When asked for advice, it only makes sense that those successful in a profession would giver similar suggestions to one another. In writing/publishing, however, I’ve noticed that every successful writer has three speeches that are virtually identical to a speech given by others of their craft.

My friend Lindsay Schopfer and I were discussing this during his recent book tour that brought him to my corner of Wyoming. He’ll be teaching at the PNWA conference this week, and while I don’t know if he’ll be busting any of these out, I’m sure he’s got them in his back pocket just in case.

1.  “I failed and failed and failed, but then…

I succeeded!! So you can too!”

This is a versatile one. It can be used as a standard motivational feel good speech. A kick in the pants “you have no excuses” speech. Sometimes even a “think really hard about whether you want to put in this much effort” speech. I’ve seen it used all these ways and more, but the gist is always the same.

The author recounts their many failures, emphasizing how devastating and demoralizing they were at the time. For traditionally published authors this generally involves citing the number of times their numerous unpublished manuscripts were rejected by agents/editors. For indies this takes the form of how many books they released to lackluster or nonexistent sales before finally taking off. In both cases, the author will emphasize the importance of those failures and how it taught them about not giving up, or working hard, or humility, or another hard earned lesson.

2.  The Humble-Brag

Even I have one of these and I’m not published yet. The Humble-Brag is a unique beast because, on the surface, the author giving it appears to be expressing some humility or admitting that they aren’t perfect, despite their success. Yet lurking beneath that facade of self-deprecation is a swagger usually reserved for dance contest victors. Because something about that story makes the author seem awesome, and is sure to incite the jealousy of every other writer within earshot.

For some it might be their horrible writers block…which occurred in their expensive, luxurious office with a majestic view.

For some it might their crippling self-doubt…about the words created with their ridiculously high daily word count that every writer dreams they could produce.

Still others might Humble-Brag about the lackluster sales of their fifth novel…as compared to the four New York Times Bestsellers that came before it.

Regardless of the specifics, every eye in the room starts rolling when this one comes out.

3. The Inevitable Two-Types Speech

Pretty much every writing workshop ever given features this one.

“When I teach classes or give workshops at conferences,” the teaching writer begins, “I meet two types of writers.”

The labels for these two types vary. Sometimes it’s “the difference between writers and authors”. Sometimes it’s “Those who want to write and those who want to publish”. Once I heard it described as “those who want to write books” and “those who want to say they’ve written a book”.

Regardless of the labels, the two-types have uniform characteristics. Writer A isn’t concerned about commercial success or even selling their book to a publisher. She/he is only concerned about one thing, and that is becoming a better writer and writing as much as possible. Writer B, on the other hand, just wants to sell a book to a publisher, get rich and famous as quickly as possible, and have a skyrocketing career with movie deals appear out of nowhere.

Of course, as the speech goes, it is pure hearted Writer A who will ultimately succeed in this business because ten years from now they will still be writing, whereas Writer B will give up because their pie in the sky aspirations fail to materialize.

The purpose of the speech is to make students examine their own motives and decide whether they’re really in it for the right reasons. When I first started attending conferences I would always feel horribly guilty after hearing this, because there was a part of me that wanted the riches and fame thing. Did wanting those things make me a bad writer, I always wondered?

I stopped feeling guilty when I realized something the speech leaves out. There’s a third type. Writer C, who is dedicated to the pursuit and improvement of their craft but also thinks it would be kind of cool if they sold enough copies to be wealthy and well-known someday. Which is, perhaps, the ultimate goal of the Inevitable Two-Types Speech. To make writers realize that it’s okay to want success, but you also need to have your priorities straight.

 

Did I leave any speeches off the list? What story or lesson does it seem to you that every published writer tells? Discuss in the comments!